Diclonius [PEACH: Race, two paragon paths, epic destiny, and feats]

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Because I honestly think I'll only screw it up trying to edit, I'll repost it for review.  Please help?

DICLONIUS
Average Height:  5' 6"-6' 2"
Average Weight:  135-220 lb.
Ability Scores:  +2 Strength or Constitution, +2 Charisma
Size:  Medium
Speed:  6 squares
Vision:  Normal
Languages:  Common, choice of one other
Skill Bonuses:  +2 Intimidate, +2 Perception
Divergent Species:  You can take feats that have human as a prerequisite (as well as those specifically for diclonii), as long as you meet any other requirements.
Determinator:  At the start of your turn, you can make a saving throw against each effect currently rendering you immobilized or restrained.  If you fail the saving throw, you do not make a saving throw against the effect at the end of your turn.
Vector Strike:  You can use vector strike as an encounter power.











Vector StrikeDiclonius Racial Power
Your vectors slip forth, striking hard an opponent who thought he was out of your reach.
Encounter ♦ Force
Minor Action - Close burst 3
Target: One creature in burst
Attack: Constitution +3 vs. Reflex, Wisdom +3 vs. Reflex, or Charisma +3 vs. Reflex
Hit: 1d6 + Charisma modifier force damage.
Increase to +6 bonus and 2d6 damage at 11th level, and to +9 bonus and 3d6 damage at 21st level.


Male Names:
  Abram, Adam, Arramos, Arthwyr, Clefspeare, Gartrand, Ishmael, Jarad, Karrick, Lot, Makaidos, Mordred, Nimrod, Samson

Female Names:  Alanna, Emilie, Eve, Hartanna, Irene, Legossi, Lucy, Morgan, Rebekkah, Roxil, Sarai, Shachar, Sorentine, Tabitha, Thigocia, Tisiphone




LIEBENSBORN
"Is this... still... fun...?"


Prerequisites:  Diclonius, Vector Training feat


 You are a diclonius among diclonii, well-versed in the art of using your vectors to tear your opponents apart.  This is effectively a path for paragon multiclassing as a diclonius.  No matter what power source your original class is, this paragon path's powers are disciplines.


Liebensborn Path Features


Deadly Vector (11th level):  You can score a critical hit with vector strike on a roll of 18-20.
Paragon Power Points (11th level):  You gain 2 additional power points.
Vector Flash (11th level):  When you spend an action point to take an extra action, you can also use your vector strike power as a free action, even if you have already used it during this encounter.
Vital Link (16th level):  The first time you become bloodied in an encounter, each bloodied ally within 5 squares of you can choose to either gain temporary hit points equal to the higher of your Constitution or Charisma modifiers or make a saving throw.


Liebensborn Path Disciplines











Draining VectorLiebensborn Attack 11
Your vector tears away something vital, allowing you to use it to revitalize an ally.
Encounter ♦ Augmentable, Force, Healing, Psionic
Standard Action - Close Burst 3
Target: One enemy in burst
Attack: Constitution +6 vs. Reflex or Charisma +6 vs. Reflex
Increase to +9 bonus at 21st level.
Hit: 3d8 + Charisma modifier force damage.
Effect:  You or one bloodied ally within 10 squares of you can spend a healing surge.
Augment 2
     Effect:
  You and each bloodied ally within 10 squares of you can spend a healing surge.

 











Precision VectorLiebensborn Utility 12
Your vector picks up a small stone and hurls it at a foe outside your reach.
At-Will ♦ Psionic
Free Action - Personal
Effect: When you use vector strike, you may treat it as a ranged attack with a range equal to 3 + the higher of your Constitution or Charisma modifiers.

 











Entropic VectorLiebensborn Attack 20
You pour your life energy into your vectors, drawing your power from depths no other diclonius could touch.
Daily ♦ Force, Psionic
Standard Action - Close burst 5
Target: One creature in burst
Attack: Constitution +9 vs. Reflex or Charisma +9 vs. Reflex

Hit: 5d6 + Charisma modifier force damage.
Miss: Half damage.



Sustain Minor: Take 5 damage, which can't be reduced.  When you sustain this power, attack with your vector strike power, even if you have already expended it during this encounter.


 


HORNED HELLION
You are a true paragon among diclonii, marked by horns that have grown beyond the norm into spikes that would impress a tiefling.  With great power, however, comes great instability...


Prerequisites:  21st level, diclonius


You are no longer merely a diclonius.  You are the diclonius.  Far from the cute little horns that grace the skulls of your kin, you have grand spikes of bone on your temples, horns that enable unparalleled control of your innate ability... and you couldn't care less beyond how easy it is to rip apart your enemies now.  People who earn your ire don't live to contemplate their mistakes.  They simply fall apart, and in the messiest way possible.  Because you can, and you will.


IMMORTALITY?
Like it or not, your presence has a lasting impact on the world.  Whether you kill and destroy, or save the world from a great evil, you will be remembered as more than "just a hero," or "just a villain."  Yours is the power of change, and whether that change bodes good or ill, the world is different for your being.  When your time comes, your spirit joins those who have come before, other diclonii that appeared in times of need to deliver needed change to the world.  And whether your death came at the hands of an army of demons or a mercy at the hands of your former allies, you will be remembered for eternity as the greatest of your kind.


Horned Hellion Features



Diclonius Champion (21st level):  You increase your Charisma score by 2, and you can use your vector strike power one additional time per encounter.
Unending Rage (21st level):  Whenever you fail on a death saving throw, you gain a +2 bonus to attack rolls until the end of the encounter.
Fierce Will (24th level):  Once per day, when you die, you can choose to remain standing and continue to fight. Each round, you can move and continue to make attacks as if you are still alive, but you cannot be the target of any attack. At the end of the encounter, after a short rest, your body collapses and you return to life with 1 hit point.
Unnerving Presence (30th level):  You gain an aura 5; any enemy within 5 squares of you takes a -2 penalty to attack rolls against you or your allies.  While you are bloodied, enemies within your aura also grant combat advantage.

Horned Hellion Power











Rampant VectorHorned Hellion Utility 26
Numerous vectors spread around you, unseen. Unwary foes soon learn to avoid crossing you.
Daily ♦  Stance
Minor Action - Personal
Effect: Until the stance ends, if your vector strike power invokes a burst, increase the size of that burst by your highest ability modifier.  In addition, any enemy that provokes an opportunity attack within 20 squares of you takes force damage equal to your highest ability modifier.


Feats



ASTRAL VECTOR
Prerequisites: Diclonius, any divine class
Your vector strike power deals radiant damage as well as force damage. This power gains the Radiant keyword.

BRUTAL VECTOR
Prerequisites: Diclonius
When you deal damage with vector strike, reroll any results of 1 on the dice.

SILPELIT BUTCHER
Prerequisites: Diclonius, rogue, Ruthless Ruffian
You can treat a single one-handed axe or heavy blade that you are proficient with as a light blade. In addition, if you use the chosen weapon to deliver an attack that has the Rattling keyword, add your Strength modifier to the damage roll.

SILPELIT KNIFE TRAINING
Prerequisites: Diclonius
You are proficient with all military one-handed axes, heavy blades, and light blades, as well as the drow long knife and kukri. In addition, you gain a +2 feat bonus to damage rolls when attacking with such weapons. This bonus increases to +3 at 11th level and to +4 at 21st level.


SILPELIT SENTINEL
Prerequisites:  Diclonius, warden
The target of your warden’s grasp power is also weakened until the end of its turn.



ARCANIST VECTOR
Prerequisites: 11th level, diclonius, any arcane class
Choose one arcane encounter power that you know that deals acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder damage. Your vector strike power deals that type of damage in addition to force damage and gains that keyword. The chosen power deals force damage in addition to its normal damage and gains the Force keyword.

Each time you gain a level, you can choose to reassign the power to which this feat's effect applies.

DUAL VECTOR
Prerequisites: 21st level, diclonius
Your vector strike power targets two creatures within its area, rather than one.

VECTOR TRAINING [Multiclass Silpelit]
Prerequisites:  Diclonius, Cha 15
You gain training in the Intimidate skill.  In addition, your vector strike power gains the Rattling keyword.  If you are a rogue, you can use your Sneak Attack class feature with your vector strike power.


VECTOR NOVICE
Prerequisites:  4th level, Vector Training
You can swap one 3rd-level or higher encounter attack power you know for the piercing vector attack power.











Piercing VectorFeat Power
Your vector cuts into your opponent like a blade, bleeding him out.
Encounter ♦ Force, Psionic
Standard Action - Close burst 3
Target: One creature in burst

Attack: Constitution +3 vs. Reflex, Wisdom +3 vs. Reflex, or Charisma +3 vs. Reflex
Increase to +6 bonus at 11th level and to +9 bonus at 21st level.


Hit: 1d8 + Charisma modifier force damage.  If the target moves during its next turn, it takes 1d6 damage.
15th level:  Increase to 2d8 damage, and 2d6 damage if the target moves.


VECTOR EXPERT
Prerequisites:  8th level, Vector Training
You can swap one 6th-level or higher utility power you know for the adaptive vector utility power.











Adaptive VectorFeat Power
Your vectors raise instinctively, catching blade and arrow before they would strike.
Encounter ♦ Force, Psionic
Immediate Interrupt - Personal
Trigger:  You are hit by an attack.
Effect:  You gain a power bonus to your AC and Reflex defense equal to the higher of your Constitution or Charisma modifier until the end of your next turn.  If you are hit by an attack while this effect persists, you can use your vector strike power against the attacker, even if you have already used it during this encounter.


VECTOR SPECIALIST
Prerequisites:  10th level, Vector Training
You can swap one 9th-level or higher daily attack power you know for the grasping vector attack power. 











Grasping VectorFeat Power
Your vector pounds into a foe and takes hold, rooting him in place for his companion's blade.
Daily ♦ Force, Psionic, Reliable
Standard Action - Melee 1
Target: One creature

Attack: Constitution +4 vs. AC, Wisdom +4 vs. AC, or Charisma +4 vs. AC
Increase to +6 bonus at 15th level and to +9 bonus at 25th level.


Hit: 1d8 + Charisma modifier force damage, and you grab the target.  Until the grab ends, you have cover and can use the following action.
     Immediate Interrupt - Personal
     Trigger:
  An enemy makes a melee or ranged attack roll against you that targets your AC or Reflex
     Effect:  The triggering attack targets the creature grabbed by you.
Sustain Minor:  You sustain the grab.

15th level:  2d8 damage, and deal Charisma modifier damage when you sustain the power.
25th level:  3d8 damage, and deal 1d8 + Charisma modifier damage when you sustain the power.


(1) what's a Diclonius? (artwork or discription?) Is it humanoid, or the dinosaur (in which case, I personally don't like it: how will it take class levels ( a Diclonius wizard, cleric or paladin ???)  *)
*: unless of course its a attempt to recreate monster levels ala 3/3.5 ...
(2) maybe its because I'm not native English but what's a vector (I only know it from math ...)
(3) +2 Strength or Constitution? I'dd say, pick one
(4) Lebenborn seems underpowered: the lack of powers with the vector keyword, make many of their powers useless (think about it: the daggermaster uses a dagger for any attack: at-will, encounter or daily.)
(5) ADVANCED VECTORS [Multiclass Diclonius] ... mutliclass race WTF?
(5') + I don't like you get a +2 attack bonus for a normal feat.

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For years, I've lived a double life. In the day, I do my job - I ride the bus, roll up my sleeves with the hoi-polloi. But at night, I live a life of exhilaration, of missed heartbeats and adrenalin. And, if the truth be known a life of dubious virtue. I won't deny it - I've been engaged in violence, even indulged in it. I've maimed and killed adversaries, and not merely in self-defence. I've exhibited disregard for life, limb and property, and savoured every moment. You may not think it, to look of me but I have commanded armies, and conquered worlds. And though in achieving these things I've set morality aside, I have no regrets. For though I've led a double life, at least I can say - I've lived.

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A Diclonius is a race of humans subjected to a mutation found in the world described in the anime "Elfen Lied".  The manga describes them differently, and is able to go into more detail (and I own the anime, but have only read the translated manga online once), but the two are still close enough.


Basically, they're a race with an instinctive need to kill, and they have the means to do this very efficiently.  They intellectually mature faster than humans, but emotionally and physically mature at the same rate.  This means they become aware of the unfair and brutal nature of the world long before they have the means to deal with it rationally, so they lash out as kids their age are liable to do.


Except when they lash out, people die.  It'd be like the 30th-level epic destiny feature of the Avatar of Death (where anyone with 25 hp or less adjacent to you just dies instantly), except they get it at the age of 7.


...


Bravo.  I'm definitely subscribing to this thread, and I'll look over it later, but it's cool that someone decided to stat this race out.

I've finally figured out how to put in a sig. Yes, I'm including this here for no other reason than to express how happy I am that I could finally do this. For goodness' sake, change these forums back (or just change, I don't care).

Oh, yeah, I forgot.


@Qube: They look like humans, except they have short, stubby, white horns sticking out of their heads (of a size and shape and in a position to be confused with "cat ears"), and they all have red or pink hair (anime, not manga) and red eyes.  The females all have hair and the males are all bald and furthermore, the males don't have the vectors at all, but personally, that's not a difference I'd completely translate over to 4E (don't know about the OP's intentions, though).


A "Vector" is an arm, telekinetically manifested by the Diclonius.  It vibrates at a high speed, and therefore is invisible (or just really hard to see), and is able to lacerate at the slightest touch (this is a very gory anime).  They're also very strong, able to lift heavy objects, propel the Diclonius through the air at high speed (not actually flight, just them doing a handstand with really long invisible hands), and they can propel other objects at high speed (that pen on the ground?  Yeah, it's about to be implanted into your eye...).


The Diclonius will typically have four Vectors, although some of them have more, and the length of the Vectors will vary (Lucy's were 2m, Nana's were 5m, and What's-Her-Name's with the 22 Vectors were 11m long).

I've finally figured out how to put in a sig. Yes, I'm including this here for no other reason than to express how happy I am that I could finally do this. For goodness' sake, change these forums back (or just change, I don't care).

Oh yeah. I saw the anime some time ago. explains a lot.

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For years, I've lived a double life. In the day, I do my job - I ride the bus, roll up my sleeves with the hoi-polloi. But at night, I live a life of exhilaration, of missed heartbeats and adrenalin. And, if the truth be known a life of dubious virtue. I won't deny it - I've been engaged in violence, even indulged in it. I've maimed and killed adversaries, and not merely in self-defence. I've exhibited disregard for life, limb and property, and savoured every moment. You may not think it, to look of me but I have commanded armies, and conquered worlds. And though in achieving these things I've set morality aside, I have no regrets. For though I've led a double life, at least I can say - I've lived.

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D&D Home Page - What Monster Are You? - Stone Gaint

Scipio: And Chihuahuas have definitely improved in the "attacking ankles, yapping, and being generally annoying" environment. Me: OK, am I the only who sees an analogy between forum trolls & Chihuahuas?
Some of my work:
XDMC 19 (silver): A full fledged assassins guild (with stats, skill challenges, ...)link XDMC 14 (Bronze): a one shot campaign for beginning DMs/players. link XDMC 16: Paragon path: the Epitome: being better then all then any one else. link (note: this is balanced) XDMC 25: The Gelatinous Cube mount Guide To Disreality: a collection of houserules - Introduction & table of content
My ego in a box
who am I kidding? my ego would never fit in a box


Oh, yeah, I forgot.


@Qube: They look like humans, except they have short, stubby, white horns sticking out of their heads (of a size and shape and in a position to be confused with "cat ears"), and they all have red or pink hair (anime, not manga) and red eyes.  The females all have hair and the males are all bald and furthermore, the males don't have the vectors at all, but personally, that's not a difference I'd completely translate over to 4E (don't know about the OP's intentions, though).


A "Vector" is an arm, telekinetically manifested by the Diclonius.  It vibrates at a high speed, and therefore is invisible (or just really hard to see), and is able to lacerate at the slightest touch (this is a very gory anime).  They're also very strong, able to lift heavy objects, propel the Diclonius through the air at high speed (not actually flight, just them doing a handstand with really long invisible hands), and they can propel other objects at high speed (that pen on the ground?  Yeah, it's about to be implanted into your eye...).


The Diclonius will typically have four Vectors, although some of them have more, and the length of the Vectors will vary (Lucy's were 2m, Nana's were 5m, and What's-Her-Name's with the 22 Vectors were 11m long).





Fun (and somewhat spoileriffic) fact:  The Kurozawas are not diclonii, as Lucy herself informed them.  The only male diclonius shown was Adam, who was supposedly Lucy's clone.  And by the way?  He had hair.  Oh.  And her name was Mariko.

@Qube:  Every power I've written up here has the vector keyword.  The changeling/doppelganger sets the precedent for having a choice for one ability score bonus and a set bonus for the other score.  And the multiclass diclonius feats follow in the lines of feats like Spiked Chain Training or Whip Training... you're learning new tricks with your chosen weapon, which in this case happens to be your vectors. Cool

My only dislike so far, is that the powers' numbers are funny. As in +3. I don't like that; it's probably better at +4, scaling to +8 at 21st. These vectors are supposed to be very reliable. But apart from that, great job; it's far better than my take. Then again, I'm not even sure what exactly take ended up as...

My only dislike so far, is that the powers' numbers are funny. As in +3. I don't like that; it's probably better at +4, scaling to +8 at 21st. These vectors are supposed to be very reliable. But apart from that, great job; it's far better than my take. Then again, I'm not even sure what exactly take ended up as...

actually, I don't think those are not funny numbers: normally you get +2/+4/+6
However: weapon/implement expertise does not work on those powers, so if you calculate those bonusses (+1/+2/+3) you get +3/+6/+9
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Signature in a box
For years, I've lived a double life. In the day, I do my job - I ride the bus, roll up my sleeves with the hoi-polloi. But at night, I live a life of exhilaration, of missed heartbeats and adrenalin. And, if the truth be known a life of dubious virtue. I won't deny it - I've been engaged in violence, even indulged in it. I've maimed and killed adversaries, and not merely in self-defence. I've exhibited disregard for life, limb and property, and savoured every moment. You may not think it, to look of me but I have commanded armies, and conquered worlds. And though in achieving these things I've set morality aside, I have no regrets. For though I've led a double life, at least I can say - I've lived.

3.jpg
D&D Home Page - What Monster Are You? - Stone Gaint

Scipio: And Chihuahuas have definitely improved in the "attacking ankles, yapping, and being generally annoying" environment. Me: OK, am I the only who sees an analogy between forum trolls & Chihuahuas?
Some of my work:
XDMC 19 (silver): A full fledged assassins guild (with stats, skill challenges, ...)link XDMC 14 (Bronze): a one shot campaign for beginning DMs/players. link XDMC 16: Paragon path: the Epitome: being better then all then any one else. link (note: this is balanced) XDMC 25: The Gelatinous Cube mount Guide To Disreality: a collection of houserules - Introduction & table of content
My ego in a box
who am I kidding? my ego would never fit in a box


My only dislike so far, is that the powers' numbers are funny. As in +3. I don't like that; it's probably better at +4, scaling to +8 at 21st. These vectors are supposed to be very reliable. But apart from that, great job; it's far better than my take. Then again, I'm not even sure what exactly take ended up as...

actually, I don't think those are not funny numbers: normally you get +2/+4/+6
However: weapon/implement expertise does not work on those powers, so if you calculate those bonusses (+1/+2/+3) you get +3/+6/+9




This.  If you look at the Abyssal Genasi article, it looks like they're gonna start folding the "expertise" fix into racial powers now.  And I'd be interested to hear more of your thoughts on it, Ceiling, since there seem to be very few willing and able to help in this. Laughing

Hmm I didn't really realize that yes, the numbers are no longer funny; ie look at both the Vistani and the Abyssal Genasi... The numbers are fine. Well, then, I guess it's time to update my homebrews. Apart from anything else, I'm not really sure what you would like constructive criticism over; cause I mean I haven't really given it the most in depth look, but from the quick read over, I like it. It was the lack of realization that lately they have been adding in that expertise bonus to racials now that I thought they were funny... though on the other hand if you really wanted the vectors to be very accurate, You might want to go +4/+8/+12. It's almost like it had reliable. Maybe.

Actually, the way I saw it, vectors weren't really accurate as much as they were damaging.  As someone mentioned, they lacerate with a touch... so they target Reflex.  But 1d8 seemed too much for a scaling racial power, so it became 1d6+mod, and as I haven't seen a racial that does damage regardless of hit or miss, that idea also got scrapped.


I'm asking for help because there may have been something I missed in the powerset.  The standard Diclonius, and the associated multiclass feats, represents what any Diclonius can do.  The Lebensborn path, which is meant to be taken as a sort of paragon multiclassing option, is what I've noted that Lucy can do that other Diclonii can't.  And the Silpelit is supposed to be a racial path for Diclonii that don't want to chew up four feats to take a racial paragon path.


The Horned Hellion is... well, it's confusing, to say the least.  The main sell there is supposed to be that instead of an auto-rez at 24th level, you get an ability that simply prevents you from being put out of the fight for something so petty as hit point damage.  That and the utility are all I'm worried about keeping there, because let's face it, that's about all that separates it from the Saint.


TL;DR Version


Diclonius
1) Powers should have a Striker/Controller-y feel, try to keep to close bursts with limited targets.
2) *SPOILER* Paragon multiclassing might want a more Leader-like option, in following with Lucy healing Kouta near the end of the manga.


Lebensborn
1) If you've read/watched the series, try to think in terms of what Lucy could do here.  Specifically, what she can do that the others can't.
2) Again, this one should be majorly Striker/Controller, but a bit of Leader wouldn't be remiss.


Silpelit
1) This is what the larger bursts are for.  Mariko's and Nana's abilities go here, if they're not already represented.
2) I would say, if anything, this one would want a more Defender-y feel than the Lebensborn.  The major point here is the increase in reach.


Horned Hellion
1) Anything goes here, except for the level 24 feature and the utility.  This is, after all, a god among Diclonii.

I'm very interested, as mentioned elsewhere, on your choice of making Multiclass Racial feats and replacement powers.


 


This feels like a whole new area to tread on in feat chains - feats that trade powers, like the Multiclass Weapon Users in Dragon, to advance something other than a class.  It's almost like a Heritage Feat Chain, like with Dhampyr, Spellscarred, or Vistani, only for someone who is ALREADY a member of the race and is trying to develop their racial powers.   This could be useful for something like say, a Birdman-like race, like the Raptorans or Aarakocra where the need to have true flight before unlimited true flight in a Racial Paragon (due to overpoweredness) could become very useful and stylish.


 


All in all, I like this, and will come back to analyse the Diclonius itself in a short bit.

Before posting, why not ask yourself, What Would Wrecan Say?

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Bump.

Okay, ignoring the Silpelit for now.  I'd like the Horned Hellion to look less like the Saint, any suggestions? Undecided
Changes made:

-Unsettling has been removed as a racial feature.
-Diclonius Militant and Silpelit Vector have been added to feats.
-Silpelit paragon path has been removed.

Sorry this took so long.


My critique of the race:


+2 to Strength or Constitution: Seems fine.  It’s in line with the Changeling from the Eberron Player’s Guide, and it seems justified.  The bonus to Strength could be the Diclonius using her Vectors to augment her own physical body (similar to how Nana operates her limbs), and the bonus to Constitution seems in line with their increased resilience to their own vectors (Nana can withstand the pain and bloodloss from being dismembered long enough to survive, and she was even able to attack Lucy (disrupt her own capacity to use her vectors) soon after being ripped apart.).


+2 to Charisma: Well, it’s not Wisdom, which is the most important.  I would peg Wisdom as being the stat overseeing the relative sanity of a being (and I definitely would not peg this race as being the most sane).  Personally, out of the remaining two, Intelligence and Charisma, I wouldn’t have put the +2 to Charisma (they really didn’t seem charismatic to me), but rather to Intelligence (to represent their early intellectual capacities, as well as to allow a synergy between the race and the Psion class, what I feel would be the favored class of this race, so far as favored classes exist in 4E), but maybe you’re going off of something in the manga that I’m forgetting.


Skill bonuses: Intimidate: agreed.  Perception: I can see this as a manifestation of the Diclonii’s ability to sense each other, but is this based on anything else?


Divergent species: Slightly less powerful than the Half-Elf’s ability, so seems good to me.


Determinator: A long list of things you can save against than the Kalashtar’s Dual Soul, but not unreasonable.  I am wondering about the theme, though.  Saving against immobilization, restraint, and being slowed could be the Diclonius slicing through physical (and other) effects holding her by using her Vectors, but why is weakened in there?


Vector Strike: One design philosophy of race creation is that they should be able to use their racial abilities regardless of what class they pick.  With this power being limited to no more than 2 squares away, a Diclonius Wizard has to be really close to pull this off.  Compare this to the Dragonborn, who starts off with a range of 3, and then increases that range to 5 with one feat and to an area attack within 10 squares with another.  Compare it to the Wizard’s closest At-Will attack, Thunderwave, which is still usable at 3 squares away. 


I really recommend increasing the size of the burst to 3, or possibly even 5.  A close burst 2 just seems too limited to be usable for the ranged classes.


Also, the attack stats are Constitution, Charisma, and Wisdom?  Wisdom?  Not Strength?  Never mind that Wisdom seems nonthematic for this crazy race, it’s also not a score they could get a bonus to. 


Lebensborn Multiple Vectors: This, on the other hand, is perfectly fine just being a burst 2.  Every member of a race has to have the powers that the base racial traits block gives them, but not every member of a race is beholden to be a paragon of their race, so paragon path powers being role-specific (burst 2 suggests more melee classes than ranged classes) doesn’t violate any design principles.


Lebensborn Entropic Vectors: Why does the range get reduced from 4 in the initial attack to 2 in the secondary attack(s)?  Is that to represent weakening due to the Diclonius sacrificing her own life force to maintain the attack?


Lebensborn attacks in general: Now we have just Constitution and Charisma.  Where did the Wisdom go?  It was there for the base racial power, so what changed? 


Horned Hellion Curse of Diclonius: I’m wondering about your choice of wording.  “You can set your vectors to carry yourself or lower yourself to the ground as a minor action.”


You’re copying the wording of the Exalted Angel Angelic Nature epic destiny feature for this ability, but think about it.  The Exalted Angel has the option to manifest or conceal his wings because they are physical objects that change how he looks and is related to.  So far as I know, the vectors are still invisible, so why would someone ever set their vectors to lower themselves to the ground?  They can still walk on the ground, even if they have their vectors set to carry themselves, so what are they missing out on?  I’d either put in something about “resembling the nonaberrant creature you once were” (maybe with the horns shrinking or something to that effect), or just take out the deal with the minor action.


Or specify exactly why a Horned Hellion would ever spend that second minor action?


Horned Hellion Fierce Will: Did you base your wording of this ability on anything specific that I can check?  Because it seems problematic.  “You do not die until you reach your negative hit point value.”  Normally, you die when you fail three death saving throws, or when you reach your negative bloodied hit point value.  Is this meant to only change the negative bloodied hit point value to negative full hit point value (leaving the allowment for three death saving throws to render you dead as normal), or do you gain both benefits (negative bloodied becomes negative full and you never roll a death saving throw again)?  The first time I read this through, I was honestly perplexed by the last part where it talks about your third death saving throw, so the wording could use some improvement.


Also, “Until you spend a healing surge, you take a -1 penalty …” That’s “you spend a healing surge”.  Meaning that being the recipient of healing where you don’t spend a healing surge does nothing for this (Cure Light Wounds doesn’t take away this penalty, neither does Lay On Hands, or any other similar healing).  If that’s not intended, then I’d change the wording.


And finally, “Until you spend a healing surge, … you must attack during each of your turns.”  What happens if you don’t or if you can’t (the only other enemy is too far away for whatever reason)?


Vector Specialist Piercing Vectors: This is a Daily power with no Reliable keyword and nothing that happens on a miss.  Daily powers are an especially precious thing to use up, which is why they always come with some kind of guaranteed benefit.  The power will do something whether it hits or misses, whether it’s from an Effect, or because it has a lesser damage on a Miss, or simply because it targets enough creatures that at least one of them is going to get hit.  And if not that, the power will have the Reliable keyword to guarantee that at some point, you get to enjoy some aspect of having used this power.


The Piercing Vectors not having anything like that (no Effect, no lesser damage on a Miss, no Reliable, and it only targets one creature) is atypical.


Silpelit Vector feat: Never minding for a moment that I believe a minimum range of 3 should be in the Diclonius’s Vector Strike in the first place, the first part of this feat seems fine.  Increasing the ranges by 1 shouldn’t matter that much.


The second part of the feat seems overly powerful.  You see, originally, you had the Silpelit be its own Paragon Path, and that Paragon Path had a path feature that allowed you to increase the range of you melee attacks.  Now, as a path feature, that’s fine.  There’s at least one other paragon path that has a similar path feature, not to mention that a Paragon Path is something that can’t be retrained and therefore comes with a much higher cost than, say, a feat, so a path having a path feature like that is fine.


A feat, on the other hand, requires much less commitment and is much less of what I believe is called an opportunity cost.  Therefore, just because something is appropriate as a Paragon tier ability when granted by a Paragon Path does not mean it’s appropriate as a Paragon tier feat.

Also, do yourself a favor and PM Crimson_Concerto to get his feedback.  He knows the design philosophy of 4E races better than I do, and I would peg him as more experienced in comparing new ideas to existing ones to see if they're on par.

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If you like the manga can be found here:  www.onemanga.com/Elfen_Lied/


Sorry this took so long.


My critique of the race:


+2 to Strength or Constitution: Seems fine.  It’s in line with the Changeling from the Eberron Player’s Guide, and it seems justified.  The bonus to Strength could be the Diclonius using her Vectors to augment her own physical body (similar to how Nana operates her limbs), and the bonus to Constitution seems in line with their increased resilience to their own vectors (Nana can withstand the pain and bloodloss from being dismembered long enough to survive, and she was even able to attack Lucy (disrupt her own capacity to use her vectors) soon after being ripped apart.).


+2 to Charisma: Well, it’s not Wisdom, which is the most important.  I would peg Wisdom as being the stat overseeing the relative sanity of a being (and I definitely would not peg this race as being the most sane).  Personally, out of the remaining two, Intelligence and Charisma, I wouldn’t have put the +2 to Charisma (they really didn’t seem charismatic to me), but rather to Intelligence (to represent their early intellectual capacities, as well as to allow a synergy between the race and the Psion class, what I feel would be the favored class of this race, so far as favored classes exist in 4E), but maybe you’re going off of something in the manga that I’m forgetting.




Two things, really. (SPOILERS) With the exception of Anna and Adam (and, though they've got an excuse, Mariko's clones), diclonii all seemed very willful.  Charisma attaches to the Will defense, as does Wisdom, but as you've noted, Wisdom doesn't really fit for their emotional maturity.  Intelligence would have been my next choice, but you have to take Lucy's powers into account, especially when she heals Kouta.  That in mind, I decided they should be relatively good in a Leader role, specifically Bard (adds Cha to healing), Warlord (adds Cha to healing, with a feat), and hopefully the Empath (hopefully, Cha as a primary stat).



Skill bonuses: Intimidate: agreed.  Perception: I can see this as a manifestation of the Diclonii’s ability to sense each other, but is this based on anything else?




No, it's not, except for a few scenes in which Nyuu/Lucy noticed something no one else did.


Divergent species: Slightly less powerful than the Half-Elf’s ability, so seems good to me.

Determinator: A long list of things you can save against than the Kalashtar’s Dual Soul, but not unreasonable.  I am wondering about the theme, though.  Saving against immobilization, restraint, and being slowed could be the Diclonius slicing through physical (and other) effects holding her by using her Vectors, but why is weakened in there?




Supposedly, a diclonius can be KO'd by breaking off a horn.  Break off one, and she feels lethargic (weakened).  Break off both, and she falls into a coma until they grow back.  Now, I mention that to bring this up: (SPOILERS) Lucy had this happen not once, but twice, in the manga, the second time breaking both horns, and then got up and kept fighting.  Not to mention the last several chapters, in which she continues fighting as her powers are melting her flesh from her bones.  I'm tempted to say any diclonius can do this, but that's inconclusive, as Mariko was never actually put into this position (arguably, though, that she walked out of that tank at all could be a sign of it) and Nana just failed her saving throws.


Vector Strike: One design philosophy of race creation is that they should be able to use their racial abilities regardless of what class they pick.  With this power being limited to no more than 2 squares away, a Diclonius Wizard has to be really close to pull this off.  Compare this to the Dragonborn, who starts off with a range of 3, and then increases that range to 5 with one feat and to an area attack within 10 squares with another.  Compare it to the Wizard’s closest At-Will attack, Thunderwave, which is still usable at 3 squares away. 


I really recommend increasing the size of the burst to 3, or possibly even 5.  A close burst 2 just seems too limited to be usable for the ranged classes.


Also, the attack stats are Constitution, Charisma, and Wisdom?  Wisdom?  Not Strength?  Never mind that Wisdom seems nonthematic for this crazy race, it’s also not a score they could get a bonus to.




I chose burst 2 because of the named diclonii, Nana and Mariko had vectors that were "exceptionally long."  Lucy's, then, became the standard size.  As for the exact number, the three meter safe zone around her is ten feet, or 2 squares.  Which is a short range, I know, but consider this:  A diclonius wizard is going to be tougher than a deva or eladrin one, by virtue of Con being universally more useful than Strength.  That +2 Con translates into 2 more hit points and 1 more healing surge... this wizard is most likely to go Staff of Defense or Tome of Binding, if not Orb of Deception.  And even then, you're going to want something to finish off that goon you just fried with Thunderwave.


Lebensborn Multiple Vectors: This, on the other hand, is perfectly fine just being a burst 2.  Every member of a race has to have the powers that the base racial traits block gives them, but not every member of a race is beholden to be a paragon of their race, so paragon path powers being role-specific (burst 2 suggests more melee classes than ranged classes) doesn’t violate any design principles.


Lebensborn Entropic Vectors: Why does the range get reduced from 4 in the initial attack to 2 in the secondary attack(s)?  Is that to represent weakening due to the Diclonius sacrificing her own life force to maintain the attack?


Lebensborn attacks in general: Now we have just Constitution and Charisma.  Where did the Wisdom go?  It was there for the base racial power, so what changed?




The reduction in range is due to the initial huge burst being an extension from the norm.  Think of the damage to sustain it as something akin to pulling a muscle; you overextended yourself and damaged your arm, but you're very stupidly continuing to attack quickly with it and damaging yourself even more.

As for why Wisdom was dropped, the Lebensborn is exclusively what I noted of Lucy's abilities that other diclonii lacked.  No diclonius is wise, but Lucy takes the cake for impulsive behavior.  To judge from how quickly she went from healthy to hellbound, she's using her force of personality for this.  To be fair, I made the choice one of something flavorful (Lucy's low-HP damage spree) vs. something that actually makes sense (high-Con for more HP to burn).


Horned Hellion Curse of Diclonius: I’m wondering about your choice of wording.  “You can set your vectors to carry yourself or lower yourself to the ground as a minor action.”


You’re copying the wording of the Exalted Angel Angelic Nature epic destiny feature for this ability, but think about it.  The Exalted Angel has the option to manifest or conceal his wings because they are physical objects that change how he looks and is related to.  So far as I know, the vectors are still invisible, so why would someone ever set their vectors to lower themselves to the ground?  They can still walk on the ground, even if they have their vectors set to carry themselves, so what are they missing out on?  I’d either put in something about “resembling the nonaberrant creature you once were” (maybe with the horns shrinking or something to that effect), or just take out the deal with the minor action.


Or specify exactly why a Horned Hellion would ever spend that second minor action?





To be fair, what I was thinking was that I could cut out the flight at some point.  I just couldn't think of anything else to give them for that level. Foot in mouth



Horned Hellion Fierce Will: Did you base your wording of this ability on anything specific that I can check?  Because it seems problematic.  “You do not die until you reach your negative hit point value.”  Normally, you die when you fail three death saving throws, or when you reach your negative bloodied hit point value.  Is this meant to only change the negative bloodied hit point value to negative full hit point value (leaving the allowment for three death saving throws to render you dead as normal), or do you gain both benefits (negative bloodied becomes negative full and you never roll a death saving throw again)?  The first time I read this through, I was honestly perplexed by the last part where it talks about your third death saving throw, so the wording could use some improvement.

Also, “Until you spend a healing surge, you take a -1 penalty …” That’s “you spend a healing surge”.  Meaning that being the recipient of healing where you don’t spend a healing surge does nothing for this (Cure Light Wounds doesn’t take away this penalty, neither does Lay On Hands, or any other similar healing).  If that’s not intended, then I’d change the wording.


And finally, “Until you spend a healing surge, … you must attack during each of your turns.”  What happens if you don’t or if you can’t (the only other enemy is too far away for whatever reason)?




...You're right, I probably should change the wording on that.  Again, that's based on Lucy; rather than coming back from death once a day, I decided it'd be unique to simply not die instead.



Vector Specialist Piercing Vectors: This is a Daily power with no Reliable keyword and nothing that happens on a miss.  Daily powers are an especially precious thing to use up, which is why they always come with some kind of guaranteed benefit.  The power will do something whether it hits or misses, whether it’s from an Effect, or because it has a lesser damage on a Miss, or simply because it targets enough creatures that at least one of them is going to get hit.  And if not that, the power will have the Reliable keyword to guarantee that at some point, you get to enjoy some aspect of having used this power.

The Piercing Vectors not having anything like that (no Effect, no lesser damage on a Miss, no Reliable, and it only targets one creature) is atypical.





It represents a linear attack.  All or nothing, and simply because that "all" is quite a bit.



Silpelit Vector feat: Never minding for a moment that I believe a minimum range of 3 should be in the Diclonius’s Vector Strike in the first place, the first part of this feat seems fine.  Increasing the ranges by 1 shouldn’t matter that much.

The second part of the feat seems overly powerful.  You see, originally, you had the Silpelit be its own Paragon Path, and that Paragon Path had a path feature that allowed you to increase the range of you melee attacks.  Now, as a path feature, that’s fine.  There’s at least one other paragon path that has a similar path feature, not to mention that a Paragon Path is something that can’t be retrained and therefore comes with a much higher cost than, say, a feat, so a path having a path feature like that is fine.


A feat, on the other hand, requires much less commitment and is much less of what I believe is called an opportunity cost.  Therefore, just because something is appropriate as a Paragon tier ability when granted by a Paragon Path does not mean it’s appropriate as a Paragon tier feat.




Fair.  I'll probably make it a bigger range increase for vector strike in particular and drop it down a tier.  No harm, there.



Also, do yourself a favor and PM Crimson_Concerto to get his feedback.  He knows the design philosophy of 4E races better than I do, and I would peg him as more experienced in comparing new ideas to existing ones to see if they're on par.



Hehehe... you're a bit late for that.  Everything you talked about was what was left after he got me. Tongue out
Edit made:  Silpelit Vector now a Heroic feat, now only increases the range of single-target vector attacks.

Also added pictures!  Little Lucy looks boyish enough, I hope....
Edits made... many!  Also, spelling error has been corrected.

*Please note that the following was created before the above two posts (where the OP has changed things again), even though I didn't have an opportunity to post it.  On my cursory examination of the new material, I believe that everything I wrote is still relevant, except for the part where the Epic Destiny apparently only gives you a utility power and no epic destiny features (I'm assuming that this is the case simply because you're in the middle of refining your wording.


Two things, really. (SPOILERS) With the exception of Anna and Adam (and, though they've got an excuse, Mariko's clones), diclonii all seemed very willful.  Charisma attaches to the Will defense, as does Wisdom, but as you've noted, Wisdom doesn't really fit for their emotional maturity.  Intelligence would have been my next choice, but you have to take Lucy's powers into account, especially when she heals Kouta.  That in mind, I decided they should be relatively good in a Leader role, specifically Bard (adds Cha to healing), Warlord (adds Cha to healing, with a feat), and hopefully the Empath (hopefully, Cha as a primary stat).





Okay, that makes sense.



Supposedly, a diclonius can be KO'd by breaking off a horn.  Break off one, and she feels lethargic (weakened).  Break off both, and she falls into a coma until they grow back.  Now, I mention that to bring this up: (SPOILERS) Lucy had this happen not once, but twice, in the manga, the second time breaking both horns, and then got up and kept fighting.  Not to mention the last several chapters, in which she continues fighting as her powers are melting her flesh from her bones.  I'm tempted to say any diclonius can do this, but that's inconclusive, as Mariko was never actually put into this position (arguably, though, that she walked out of that tank at all could be a sign of it) and Nana just failed her saving throws.





See, I have to think that that could just as easily be represented by the Diclonius in question saving against being weakened at the end of her turn as normal.  And any weakening seen in between the start of the Diclonius’s turn and the end would require a successful attack in the first place, and even then, it wouldn’t do anymore than raise an eyebrow, just as surely as if a Diclonius had rolled a save against being weakened at the start of her turn and failing her saving throws.  I just think that having a full four conditions that the Diclonius can save against is a bit much, in comparison with an existing race that can only do the same against two.



I chose burst 2 because of the named diclonii, Nana and Mariko had vectors that were "exceptionally long."  Lucy's, then, became the standard size.  As for the exact number, the three meter safe zone around her is ten feet, or 2 squares.  Which is a short range, I know, but consider this:  A diclonius wizard is going to be tougher than a deva or eladrin one, by virtue of Con being universally more useful than Strength.  That +2 Con translates into 2 more hit points and 1 more healing surge... this wizard is most likely to go Staff of Defense or Tome of Binding, if not Orb of Deception.  And even then, you're going to want something to finish off that goon you just fried with Thunderwave.





I’d really extend the burst 2 to a burst 3 anyway.  If necessary, just say that the “norm” for Diclonius vector range is 4.5 meters (or fifteen feet/three squares) in the D&D world (whichever world you’re in, Eberron, Faerun, Krynn, or a world of your own devising, magic exists there; ergo, supernatural effects that usually extend out to 2 meters in the world envisioned in “Elfen Lied” (which does not have magic permeating its very fabric) would extend further in a world where there is magic). 


 


 


Besides, given the way this edition treats Pythagoras, I really wouldn’t worry about trying to match up squares to distances, anyway.


 


 


And I’m still wondering about the choice of attack stats.  Why is Wisdom in there?  Constitution would represent a Diclonius pushing here Vectors out, despite the limits of her own body (see Lucy), and Charisma would be representative of the same willful nature that their racial bonus to Charisma represents.  But why Wisdom and why not Strength?



The reduction in range is due to the initial huge burst being an extension from the norm.  Think of the damage to sustain it as something akin to pulling a muscle; you overextended yourself and damaged your arm, but you're very stupidly continuing to attack quickly with it and damaging yourself even more.

As for why Wisdom was dropped, the Lebensborn is exclusively what I noted of Lucy's abilities that other diclonii lacked.  No diclonius is wise, but Lucy takes the cake for impulsive behavior.  To judge from how quickly she went from healthy to hellbound, she's using her force of personality for this.  To be fair, I made the choice one of something flavorful (Lucy's low-HP damage spree) vs. something that actually makes sense (high-Con for more HP to burn).





I’m actually more wondering why Wisdom was ever in the mix to begin with way back in Vector Strike, rather than why it’s not here now.  Having the stats that a race’s paragon path depends on different in comparison to what its racial abilities are is never a problem (see the Elf getting a bonus to Dexterity and Wisdom, but its racial paragon path having attacks that require a good Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma).



To be fair, what I was thinking was that I could cut out the flight at some point.  I just couldn't think of anything else to give them for that level.





Actually, flight seems appropriately thematic for a Horned Hellion (don’t we eventually see Lucy holding herself up hundreds of feet in the air?), and it’s certainly not overpowered (as the Exalted Angel Epic Destiny testifies).  I wouldn’t get rid of it, but just simply either declare the ability to only function when the Horned Hellion looks freaky (to match the Exalted Angel’s reason for having a line about a minor action activating and deactivating the ability), or just get rid of the minor action deal to begin with.


 



It represents a linear attack.  All or nothing, and simply because that "all" is quite a bit.





Sure, but see here’s the thing.  It’s a Daily power.  That means it should never be all or nothing.  Some guaranteed benefit should result from having activated that power, regardless of what you rolled on your attack roll.


 



Fair.  I'll probably make it a bigger range increase for vector strike in particular and drop it down a tier.  No harm, there.





I recommend using the Dragonborn breath weapon and Enlarged Breath Weapon feat as a guide.


 



Hehehe... you're a bit late for that.  Everything you talked about was what was left after he got me.


That must’ve occurred in the thread I’m assuming you decided not to follow up on but start this new one in place of.  Well, that’s good then.  Crimson sometimes knows 4E racial design philosophy better than the designers do.  It was in lurking his famed Minotaur redesign thread that I learned I needed to redesign my own homebrew race.

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...Sorry, I made some edits last night and was apparently too tired to check it back over to make sure everything was there before I posted it back.  Features are back up. Tongue out

As for Wisdom being an option for Vector Strike, I was told that I needed more than two abilities for a racial attack power to run off of.  Giving it the option to play off Wisdom seemed sound, since it gives a good number of classes the ability to use it effectively, and it would represent a more instinctive use of one's vectors.  Let's see....

Constitution:  Assassin, Barbarian, Bard, Fighter, Invoker, Warden, Warlock, Wizard

Charisma:  Assassin, Barbarian, Bard, Cleric, Paladin, Psion, Rogue, Shaman, Sorcerer, Warlock, Warlord, Wizard

Wisdom:  Avenger, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Fighter, Invoker, Monk, Paladin, Ranger, Seeker, Shaman, Warden, Wizard

Underscored classes have that ability as a primary score.  This option allows virtually any class to have an option that syncs up with a primary or secondary ability.  Despite the fact that a lot of Wis-using classes don't strike me as very thematic, but hey, whatever floats the boat. Wink

EDIT:  Fix made, Determinator now allows saves only against immobilized and restrained conditions.
Okay, cut down on the Liebensborn's surgeless healing.  I have to say, this works a lot better in 4e than it ever would in 3.x. Money mouth



Well, I agree that a racial attack power needs at least three stats that it could run off of, and Wisdom does make it useful for a lot of classes, but did you look at Strength?

Strength: Barbarian, Cleric, Fighter, Monk, Paladin, Ranger, Rogue, Seeker, Sorcerer, Swordmage, Warden, Warlord

Strength is usable by a comparable number of classes as Wisdom, except that, according to your choices of racial stat bonuses, it's also more thematic.
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Ah.  That's a point.  However!  Physical Strength doesn't make much sense for a function of the mind.  Wisdom and Charisma are mental scores.  As for Constitution, Lucy's vectors melt her from overuse.
Ah.  That's a point.  However!  Physical Strength doesn't make much sense for a function of the mind.  Wisdom and Charisma are mental scores.  As for Constitution, Lucy's vectors melt her from overuse.



Actually, I thought that a function of the mind was the explanation for Strength as a racial stat from the get-go.  Nana uses her vectors to move her artificial limbs, so the idea of a Diclonius moving her limbs at her normal Strength and then adding her vectors into the mix increases the effective Strength of whatever the Diclonius is doing with her limbs.
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Ah.  That's a point.  However!  Physical Strength doesn't make much sense for a function of the mind.  Wisdom and Charisma are mental scores.  As for Constitution, Lucy's vectors melt her from overuse.



Actually, I thought that a function of the mind was the explanation for Strength as a racial stat from the get-go.  Nana uses her vectors to move her artificial limbs, so the idea of a Diclonius moving her limbs at her normal Strength and then adding her vectors into the mix increases the effective Strength of whatever the Diclonius is doing with her limbs.



Comes from the manga, actually.  Spoilers:  Two of Mariko's clones catch a crashing helicopter to prevent it from killing their handler, after their vectors are disabled.
...Okay, pains me to say it, but there's gonna be another overhaul.  Major focus:  removal of the "vector" keyword.
Comes from the manga, actually.  Spoilers:  Two of Mariko's clones catch a crashing helicopter to prevent it from killing their handler, after their vectors are disabled.



Maybe their Vectors were only rendered unable to extend outside their body (leaving them fully able to augment their own little girl strength)?  Or at least, take that as a working explanation for porting this race over to D&D.

And as for losing the Vector keyword, what brought this about, out of curiosity?

As for being an overhaul, it's not that bad.  Right now, you have "Vector" being a catch-all term to refer to nearly every power being granted by the race, its paragon path, the power-swap feats, and the epic destiny.  Half of what you have refers to the Vector Strike racial power specifically (and losing the Vector keyword wouldn't change those feats/epic destiny features/etc. anyway), and here's the sum total of the other half:

Total number of things that rely on the Vector keyword:

Precision Vector (LebensbornUt 12)


Rampant Vector (Horned HellionUt 26)


Brutal Vector (Heroic tier feat)


Longarm Vector (Heroic tier feat)


Reaving Vector (Heroic tier feat)


Deadly Vector (Paragon tier feat)


Vector Training (Multiclass feat)


All you would really need to lose the Vector keyword is provide some way of letting those items still refer to what they're referring to right now, without a keyword.

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Another bunch of it's shuffling powers around and giving the vector abilities a more psionic feel, really.  Especially in the Striker|Leader hybrid Liebensborn's case, which is getting power points, a(n augmentable!) new encounter power, and the return of its Deadly Vector feature.  And the Hellion's got another rewrite coming, too.

Now that I think about it, though, I might end up not taking away the keyword, just because it looks a bit wordier now ("Powers with other powers as prerequisites?  Absurd!"), even if it is less confusing than tossing in a new keyword out of the blue...

Shortly put, there's going to be a lot more focus on vector strike as opposed to "powers with the Vector keyword."  Expect the update either later tonight or sometime tomorrow. ^w^

EDIT:  There's a Str/Cha paragon path forthcoming, too, nyaha!
Eh, done.  Also, minor nitpicking accomplished:  Vector Training is now "multiclass silpelit."
So, apparently an option in ability bumps is bad if the race itself doesn't emphasize flexibility as a whole.  Maybe I should do another overhaul?
You must be running this homebrew on multiple forum boards, or you've got someone looking over your shoulder critiquing this, or you're getting PMs from someone telling you things we can't see here.

Could you make comments like that more public (quoting them and posting their responses) so the rest of us could see where they're coming from?

As for the most recent post, I don't see where it's a bad idea to have a race with a variable racial ability boost.  It might not be thematic (I don't think so, considering this race is a variant on "Human"), but bad idea?
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As for the updated race (etc.) itself, only three things really jumped out at me.

Vital Link:  This grants anything from 1d6 extra healing (per second wind) to 16d6 extra healing (again, per second wind).  This seems like more of an Epic tier ability than Paragon (and I'm not sure if it'd be balanced there, either).

Unending Rage:  This is very conditional (only starts working when you start making death saving throws, and even then, it only applies to successful death saves), but I'm still leary of it going as high as +5 (maybe +3).

Fierce Will:  What happens if you don't (or are unable, or both) make an attack during a turn while this is in effect?
I've finally figured out how to put in a sig. Yes, I'm including this here for no other reason than to express how happy I am that I could finally do this. For goodness' sake, change these forums back (or just change, I don't care).
You must be running this homebrew on multiple forum boards, or you've got someone looking over your shoulder critiquing this, or you're getting PMs from someone telling you things we can't see here.

Could you make comments like that more public (quoting them and posting their responses) so the rest of us could see where they're coming from?

As for the most recent post, I don't see where it's a bad idea to have a race with a variable racial ability boost.  It might not be thematic (I don't think so, considering this race is a variant on "Human"), but bad idea?



Little of both, really.  I have someone who seems to find it more convenient to PEACH it over MSN, and I've been tapping other topics (ferret out some of Crimson's posts, I think it was the Sangheili thing).

As for the updated race (etc.) itself, only three things really jumped out at me.

Vital Link:  This grants anything from 1d6 extra healing (per second wind) to 16d6 extra healing (again, per second wind).  This seems like more of an Epic tier ability than Paragon (and I'm not sure if it'd be balanced there, either).

Unending Rage:  This is very conditional (only starts working when you start making death saving throws, and even then, it only applies to successful death saves), but I'm still leary of it going as high as +5 (maybe +3).

Fierce Will:  What happens if you don't (or are unable, or both) make an attack during a turn while this is in effect?



For Vital Link, that's why I asked for PEACH.  I'm trying to fold in Leader-like healing abilities without giving them actual healing powers, after Lucy's healing near the end of the manga.  If you've got ideas, let me know!

Unending Rage:  I'll point you at the Champion of Prophecy in Eberron, which has the inversion of this effect, granting +2 to-hit on each failed death saving throw.  Since you can only fail two death saves and still fight (maybe three, unless what I'm thinking of a) isn't a feat and b) isn't homebrew), that one has a hard cap of +4, while one can theoretically succeed on a death saving throw every turn, thus the cap of +5 here.  Since it's also easier to succeed than to fail (11 chances out of 20), you get a smaller bonus for it.

Fierce Will:  I thought it was obvious.  If you can attack, you must.  If you're suffering from an effect that renders you unable to attack, you're fine (in fact, maybe that's what they should get start-of-turn saves against).  This is why it grants the use of your vector strike at will for the duration; as long as you have a minor action to spend, you can, and therefore must, attack.  Would that I could find a way to make it say exactly what I wanted without making it too wordy...
...Vital Link fixed.  Maybe.

Vital Link: I’ve checked the books, and I’ve found a number of paragon paths that add things to the use of a second wind.  Here’s a short list of the ones that most match your original write-up:


Ghallanda’s Sanctuary (Ghallanda Sanctuary Guardian PP, Eberron Player’s Guide), Earthfast Recovery (Earthfast Brigadier PP, Martial Power), Heal the Besieged (Half-Elf Emissary PP, Arcane Power), both Aura of Health and Healing Action (Miracle Worker PP, Divine Power).


Furthermore, I found a few other paragon path abilities that are tied to the use of a second wind that could work as something the Lebensborn would do:


Allied Champions (Tribal Champion PP, Primal Power), both Heart of Earth and Great Heart (Eartheart Defender PP, Forgotten Realms Player’s Guide), Burning Blood (Blood Mage PP, Player’s Handbook), Righteous Resurgence (Flame of Hope PP, Player’s Handbook 2).


Using those as guidelines, when you use a second wind, you can do anything from healing ½ level + Con modifier additional hp, to 3d6 additional hp regained, to 1d6 per enemy adjacent to ally, to inflicting ½ level + Str modifier damage, or even 1d6 + some modifier damage to enemies and an equal number of hp healed for allies.  Maybe base it off of Constitution or Charisma, or make the damage Psychic or Force.


 


Unending Rage: About the death saving rules, the Champion of Prophecy Epic Destiny says what happens when you fail a saving throw.  “Failing” any saving throw (death or otherwise) occurs on a 9 or less; this is confirmed in the specific case of the death saving throw by you slipping one step closer to death.  (By the way, it’s a background (Wandering Mercenary, Scales of War article) that allows to you not die until you fail four death saving throws.)  However, normally, on a roll of 10 or more, you “succeed” on the saving throw and the condition you were suffering from ends; in the case of the death saving throw, on the other hand, you stay the same (not sure I’d define this as “succeeding on a death saving throw”) on a roll of 10 – 19 and it’s only on a roll of 20 or higher that you actually end your condition (which I would define as “success”).


My understanding of how “succeeding” on a death saving throw may be faulty (and if you can show some more clear cut language that spells it out better, I’d be much appreciative), but if “success” in this case means “20 or higher”, then I would say that “succeeding” on a death saving throw is such a corner case scenario (you have to be dying to roll a death save in the first place, then you have to roll 20 or higher on the roll, and then at that point, you’re no longer dying, so you won’t be rolling any new death saving throws until after you fall below 0 hp at a later point) that making this class feature be +1 per success (capping at +5) shouldn’t be a problem (especially since the Champion of Prophecy caps at +4 (+6 with Wandering Mercenary), it averages out).


 


Fierce Will: This feature is self-contained and consistent, with the exception of the clause for having to attack every turn.  I don’t think it’s a question of needing something to attack with (such as allowing Vector Strike to be usable At-Will) so much as being stunned, dazed, or otherwise denied the actions necessary to make the attack (even just using a minor action).  I do think that using some of the language of the Paladin’s Divine Challenge could serve as a less harsh alternative (such as requiring the “fervoring” Horned Hellion to merely “engage” a target each turn, where “engage” means “attack, or move into position to be able to attack”).  However, even then, the consequences still don’t match up, since a Paladin failing to engage merely can’t use Divine Challenge next turn, while a Horned Hellion could suffer unconsciousness.


Personally, I’d start by taking a look at the other Epic Destinies.  If you’ll notice, few if any EDs actually have something allowing you to remain effective while dying.  Instead, it’s usually something like “1/day when you’re dying/at 0 hp, you may immediately spend healing surge(s)”, or “1/day when you’re dying/at 0 hp, you immediately gain bloodied value/maximum value as if you had spent healing surges”, or “1/day after you’re dead, you come back to life with ½ or full hp in the following round”.


This is to avoid creating a complicated feature to describe being dying, but not following the normal rules for dying (being conscious instead of unconscious, how much you have to pay attention to your negative hp total or how many death saving throws you’ve failed).  Instead, most EDs with a “come back to life when you die the first time” put you back at positive hp so as to keep it simple.


If you’re dead set on this ED being an exception, then here are the two other EDs in print that give you a “come back to life” feature that doesn’t put you back at positive hp:


Sword’s Vengeance, Arcane Sword Epic Destiny (Arcane Power): you die, but your sword fights on; it can still attack but can’t be attacked (you’re essentially invincible); at the end of the fight, you either reunite with your sword and come back to life, or the sword finally powers down and you come back conventionally.


Mythic Rebirth, Mythic Spirit Epic Destiny (Primal Power): when dying, you need not make death saves (so you only have to worry about your negative hp total) and you can second wind as a “no action”.


Otherwise, I’d say to use a more conventional “come back to life” feature (leaving the idea of your incredible psychic force fueling you even at the brink of death, but mechanically expressing it as being above 0 hp (full hp or ½ full hp)), maybe with a bonus if you do attack after this feature has come into play (you can do anything you’d like, but if you actually attack, you get some extra benefit) rather than a penalty if you do anything besides attack (I mean, how many other EDs constrain your choice of actions like this?). 

I've finally figured out how to put in a sig. Yes, I'm including this here for no other reason than to express how happy I am that I could finally do this. For goodness' sake, change these forums back (or just change, I don't care).
...Hooray, I have books to read.  I'll get back to you on any changes I end up making.  Wish me luck. Tongue out
Okay.  Changes made to Horned Hellion.
So you went with the Swordmage Epic Destiny idea?  Looks fine.

And at this point, you have exhausted me as a sounding board.  Because I can't think of a single thing to change about this race, or its associated mechanics.  Send it to the editor (the fonts look weird) and get it printed.
I've finally figured out how to put in a sig. Yes, I'm including this here for no other reason than to express how happy I am that I could finally do this. For goodness' sake, change these forums back (or just change, I don't care).
So!  A trawling of the Future Releases board has revealed that the Diclonius will, in fact, be good at a Psionic class!  Unfortunately, it seems to be the one touted as the "worst of a bad bunch," the Psionic Defender, the Battlemind.  Thoughts?
Would be able to tell you towards the end of the month, as I regularly subscribe to DDI for a month and stay unsubscribed the next.  So the soonest I'd be able to tell you anything is weeks away.

Unless, you could drop a line detailing how the Battlemind functions in this thread.  Just the primary attack stat and the two or so riders would do.

Because so far, all I'm seeing is that they match up well with the Cha/Con Ardent.  Be able to tell you more later.
I've finally figured out how to put in a sig. Yes, I'm including this here for no other reason than to express how happy I am that I could finally do this. For goodness' sake, change these forums back (or just change, I don't care).