Contest - Gideon Takes on the Dragon - What Happens?

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Alright, I just finished a brush up on my entry. Just on the story, fixing little qwerks.

As some additional information, legend regards Xolotl as a psychopomp, which are like spirit guides of sorts. I worked that into his role here. He's part otherworldly guide, part devil in disguise. As a Magic character, Xolotl has other roots being the black-green planeswalker from Bloodlines of the Orient. Within Bloodlines, he's mainly a neutral character seeking to claim the soul of the black-green legendary creature Fu-Ming, who was turned into a Phyrexian sort of speak.

Fu-Ming is part lich, part machine. He's gruesomely disfigured in a dark ritual and fused with a artifice that supports his lifeforce. It's indestructible and inseparable. In becoming an abomination, Fu-Ming curses his own existence, but can't be killed by conventional means (being he's a lich). So he radiates misery, evil, and hatred. He turns an entire province into the "Outlands" (a jungle waste). From there, he rules over the Outlands and captures entities to zombify, and enslave them to share in his disfigured tortured existence. Over time, the negativity building up within the Outlands overflows and Xolotl sends himself to claim Fu-Ming's powerful evil soul and clear the Outlands. That's to explain Xolotl's green-black representation within Bloodlines. Being he's also a god of fire, I have another character profile, Xolotl Unleashed (black // green // red) showing his full persona. If you didn't catch it, Xolotl is a fallen deity (like Lilith from Bloodlines). He's a force even greater than Nicol Bolas. A force of such density, it would overshadow and blacken out Nicol Bolas (as seen in Cruel Ultimatum).

As for killing Chandra off, I feel it had to be done. Wizards can't seem to make a halfway decent planeswalker card out of her anyways, so might as well clip two birds with one stone. Now they don't have to worry about it, and her death serves as a very dynamic excerpt to the story. The part where she's executed right before Gideon is emotional even for me, and I'm who wrote it Gideon himself gets way more than he bargained for, being changed forever and now cursed with the emotional chaos that once haunted Chandra. She herself actually receives a blessing of sorts, being freed from that emotional chaos and laid to rest. Quite the twist being how it comes off as though in being executed that she's suffering the ultimate punishment. This all relates back to a theory of mine on existence, and a life worth living. If living becomes misery, then it's not a life worth living. Living is all based on pleasure and luxury. Living a life of emotional chaos is a tortured existence, and so being freed from it is like a blessing because her suffering is ended. Whereas if she had been left to live, all she had to look forward to was more pain and emotional chaos.

Gideon is hungry for heaven, but in order make that a reality, he must first drive out hell with hell. He must walk through the fire and emerge from out the otherside. The passage through fire is full of scalding pain and torment, it's a legendary vigil; and his new form represents this.

IMAGE(http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/1/1c/Spr_4p_389.png)

Gideon, Boros General

Planeswalker -- Gideon

[+2]: Two target creatures get double strike until the end of the turn.
[-3]: You get an emblem with "Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your opponents, choose one: Deal one damage to that player or gain one life.
[-9]: Exile all lands target player controls. ~ deals X damage to target player and each creature he or she controls, where X is the number of lands exiled. 

[4] 

Story time is now 

story
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The ground shook as another building in the Azorious section fell with a loud and resounding crash! Isperia, laying in her throne room with her advisors, her wings crooked and burnt, was breathing heacy. "This foe...is unlike anything I've seen...he's evil, is all I can tell, and not from here. I think he may be like...one of them..."

"One of who?" Her nearest advisor questioned?

"Like that boy, Jace...or Vraska." Isperia closed her eyes, remembering Jace as the first time he strolled casually through the giant archway of the Azorious guild. "He's got the same aura...but this other foe's aura...is deadly. Jace's is....mysterious...but not dangerous..."

"Should I contact anyone?" the advisor inquired.

"Yes...Aurelia and her Boros goons might be a cute distraction while I recuperate...let them know post haste."\

"Yes m'lady"

***

"Aurelia."

Aurelia unfolded her wings, standing atop the spire of the Boros league. She looked at the destruction of the city. Her ears quivered, listening to the sounds of screams and crashes. Her city was falling apart, and at the center of the bleak maelstrom, a giant dragon.

"Aurelia."

She turned, registering her name being called. "What is it, Gideon?"

"I know you want to go fight him, but you'll die if you attempt it. Let me go. Not only am I a planeswalker too, but I've been trained in the way of Boros."

Aurelia sighed. "I know you've been trained as one of us, Gideon, but you're not powerful enough to beat this foe."

Gideon held his ground, his eyes steeled with determination. "I came to you, told you about the abominations in Zendikar, and asked for the power to defeat them. I don't know what's going on there, but I've spent months here preparing for the monstrosities of lore. I have become strong enough to seal them back into their tombs without the help of more planeswalkers, and I've even seen one of his disciples on my plane. I know I'm strong enough to fight this enemy."

Aurelia looked at him. His boros signet glimmered in the setting orange afternoon sun. His hair lay flat on his back. She looked at him for a long time, caught in thought. "Fine,'' she finally announced. "But, before you go, kneel.'' Gideon Obliged. Aurelia drew her sword with a resounding shing and placed it on his right shoulder, than his left, and again to his right. "Stand, General Gideon of the Boros Leauge." Gideon rose, his face unfaltered of emotion.

"Thank you."
Word count: 411. Also, If I screwed up on flavor as far as what things are called...DON'T CARE! You get what I'm talking about.
Some further additional information, the original concept I had for the story revolved around Nicol Bolas being the one to empower Gideon. Sort of as a personal challenge for himself. It still revolved around the same process, killing Chandra and consuming Urborg, except Bolas' motives were especially fixed against Urborg/Yawgmoth. Being a powerful evil entity, he don't really look up to anyone except himself, so his thoughts about Yawgmoth would be, "pssh, eef Yawgmoth, Mhrahaaa~". There was some malicious premeditation behind it. At the climax, Nicol Bolas doesn't know his own power, and gets in over his head. Gideon turns out to be more than bargained for and Nicol Bolas is stung by the bitter sweet taste of defeat and retreat. It's the essence of overconfidence that leads to regret.

It was the depth and diversity Xolotl added to the story that made it impossible for me to look back.

IMAGE(http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/1/1c/Spr_4p_389.png)

It would be awesome if I won, or if you guys actually wrote up some serious story details.

IMAGE(http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/1/1c/Spr_4p_389.png)

It would be awesome if you were disqualified, because of the word limit.

Yxoque wrote:
This forum can't even ****ing self-destruct properly.

IMAGE(http://img.pokemondb.net/sprites/black-white/anim/normal/plusle.gif)

It would be awesome if you were disqualified, because of the word limit.



Nice catch, gave me a good laugh.
His submission post on it's own is over 1,200 words. Add in his supplementary flavor posts and he's at just about 2,000, 4x the limit set by Koridian.
Hmm...

Gideon, Retired -
Planeswalker - Gideon
[+1]: You gain 1 life.
"Nicol Bolas? Sounds familiar, give me a moment... Nicol Bolas, Nicol ... Ohh~ the dragon guy right? What? Fight him? When his power is like over 9000? Nah, I am not sucidal, why bother? Huh? No. No. No. I did not 'run away'. Just to clarify, it is called a 'tactical retreat'. Now if you would excuse me, I believe the ladies, the pool and the cocktails are calling."
[1]
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I am Red/White
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly.
re word limit = means i'll only read the first 500 words when grading

will later go back and read the entire thing (because i'm interested and that was the whole point) - but it won't count toward your grade; and if your whole story isn't included in the first 500.. means your grade will suffer because the story won't be told

of course, since there's only like 1 serious submission... kinda hard not win


btw: closes and grades in approximately 21-22 hours
of course, since there's only like 1 serious submission... kinda hard not win


My submission was 100% serious.

IMAGE(http://i1.minus.com/jbcBXM4z66fMtK.jpg)

192884403 wrote:
surely one can't say complex conditional passive language is bad grammar ?
of course, since there's only like 1 serious submission... kinda hard not win


My submission was 100% serious.


And mine is at least, like, two thirds.

Yxoque wrote:
This forum can't even ****ing self-destruct properly.

IMAGE(http://img.pokemondb.net/sprites/black-white/anim/normal/plusle.gif)

My entry was more than 50% seroius. Miostly I just wanted to underail the thread by whipping out somthing quick but I did mean it as a legitmate entry.

notes = I was really excited to see new Gideon Jura planeswalker designs; am admittedly kinda bummed so few people were interested in the same -- note that the criteria specifies a planeswalker card; creatures, etc don't meet criteria


 


Mown = Gideon's Tomb = functions as a "Destroy target Gideon Jura" by function of the planeswalker uniqueness rule; and black is certainly the color that would go into -- is interesting; but is crazy narrow -- add a and kill any planeswalker with Dreadbore


Lobster667 = Gideon, Survivor = repeating the middle ability (which, granted, was always more black than white) is fairly anticlimactic -- flavor concept that he's been blackened by the fight, corrupted, and barely himself is nice -- the +1 is fairly boring, though


Cisnero = Gideon, the Enslaved = it's actually a really nifty idea -- a planeswalker who's sole purpose is to help other planeswalkers -- and flavor of being overtaken completely by bolas is solid -- my only real issue is the ultimate; that's really really strong; throw 12 loyalty counters onto any planeswalker.. and then activate their ultimate that same turn (could even be you only just played them) and they still survive with a big excess of loyalty to protect themselves -- it is narrowed, in that he only combos with other planeswalkers.. but all 3 of his abilities combo with any planeswalker SO well, that I think it's a bit too strong


TPmanW = Dragonslayer Coalition = it's only 234 words; so you're good on that front -- I don't like the idea of a planeswalker with multiple sub-types in the slightest; I think it's a very bad idea and hope they never do it -- the +2 is just plain Ajani's Lightning Helix ability; and since Ajani isn't even in your list of subtypes.. -- thanks for going with a story (although it's more Tezzert takes on the dragon than Gideon), but the card design just isn't viable


theScion = Gideon, Stained with Cowardice = I like the effort; but that design is just red -- the only thing kinda white is the last ability's similarities to the original Gideon's ultimate -- double damage is red; power buff and inability to block is red (and a little black); and a 9/1 trampler for a turn is crazy red -- you didn't get any white in there.. also, how is red cowardly? red is brash and over-confident


GM_Champion = Gideon Descended = interesting that he's largely bolas colors, just switching W for U.. -- starting loyalty 4 for a potentially free (as in no mana) PW is interesting.. and I'd call the trade off of losing legendary cards rough if they didn't also ensure your guy is actually entering as a minimum 6 starting loyalty (and potentially a lot more if you're playing a mono white deck (which this guy totally can)) -- the wording on the last ability is confusing.. the "another" is there so that he can't kill himself?  if you choose planeswalker, you can just remove 1 loyalty and kill a Bolas with no cost to yourself? -- I really appreciate the enthusiasm, but I don't think this design was planned out well enough


felisdomesticus = Gideon the Mindslave = pretty strong; but I'd call it ultimately fair -- but it's not Gideon in any way; it's just a red-less Bolas minion -- need at least some connection to Gideon himself -- I like the mechanics design; just don't like the submission for this context


Fenix = Gideon, He Who Lost His Spark = disqualified; not a planeswalker card; and rules break


onedayweek = Gideon, Savior = the +2 is a more controllable version of his first +2; the -3 is fairly purely red.. but the limitation that you can only steal a tapped creature would be very frustrating (even with the combo of the first ability; you want to force something to attack him so you can kill it with blockers; but you can't kill it if you want to steal it, which means you'll have to let it through and kill your Gideon) -- that's an obscenely powerful ultimate; and it doesn't feel particularly white, red, or white/red


DaytimeLantern = Gideon, Tempered = that is pretty super strong; the +1 is Sorin Markov's +2, but you also get a card out of it -- the second ability is Dominus of Fealty on a stick -- and the ultimate's emblem is such a total "my creatures rock now" that -6, when you start with 4, and getting more is massive upside.. -- I'm not comfortable with this power level -- even with the three colors, it's still cmc 4; and that's amazingly strong -- your story is very good, but does of course break with he contest criteria


an_endless_epidemic = Gideon, Boros General = the +2 runs the risk of you not controlling 2 creatures; if it were "up to" you could get loyalty without the risk.. but it is such a strong ability, not sure if you did it on purpose to try to balance -- the ultimate is too reminiscent of Ajani Vengeant; I really don't think wee need another w/r planeswalker that removes all of an opponent's lands -- nice story

Fenix = Gideon, He Who Lost His Spark = disqualified; not a planeswalker card; and rules break


I may have broken some rules... but you broke my HEART ;_;.

IMAGE(http://i1.minus.com/jbcBXM4z66fMtK.jpg)

192884403 wrote:
surely one can't say complex conditional passive language is bad grammar ?
Cisnero = Gideon, the Enslaved = it's actually a really nifty idea -- a planeswalker who's sole purpose is to help other planeswalkers -- and flavor of being overtaken completely by bolas is solid -- my only real issue is the ultimate; that's really really strong; throw 12 loyalty counters onto any planeswalker.. and then activate their ultimate that same turn (could even be you only just played them) and they still survive with a big excess of loyalty to protect themselves -- it is narrowed, in that he only combos with other planeswalkers.. but all 3 of his abilities combo with any planeswalker SO well, that I think it's a bit too strong




You've misinterpreted the last ability.  You would pay the 6 before the ultimate would resolve.  Thus, if Gideon began with 6 loyalty counters before activating the ability, the ultimate would only give 6 counters to another planeswalker, because the 6 which were spent to use the ultimate would not be on Gideon at the time the ability checks the amount of counters on him.
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144902215 wrote:
Sometimes I imagine what Cisnero's life must be like. I imagine cargo pants - every pocket stuffed with coins. I imagine him (I almost said "him or her" but then I decided his gender with through the randomization of a small metal disk) - I imagine him, shopping, purchasing food, choosing which spot to park in, all through this meticulous flipping process. I imagine him asking a girl out, taking her to have a drink or whatever and then asking if she wants to play this fun game. When she responds "Sure." he removes a single quarter from one of his jingling pockets. Then proceeds to flip it repeatedly while she calls it - until she is able to make up an excuse to leave. Will he respond to this post? Only if the Chaotic Gods of Copper and Nickel deem it so. Someday many years from now, in the Dystopian future world, I'll ride my Billy Idol Unicycle past a bedraggled slumbub - He'll be clad in armor made all of the (now worthless) coins of yesterdecade. He'll grin a shiny grin at me as he flips another coin - and I'll know who it was. How could I not?
mfw only 9% of my card is graded ;_;

Yxoque wrote:
This forum can't even ****ing self-destruct properly.

IMAGE(http://img.pokemondb.net/sprites/black-white/anim/normal/plusle.gif)

Cisnero = Gideon, the Enslaved = it's actually a really nifty idea -- a planeswalker who's sole purpose is to help other planeswalkers -- and flavor of being overtaken completely by bolas is solid -- my only real issue is the ultimate; that's really really strong; throw 12 loyalty counters onto any planeswalker.. and then activate their ultimate that same turn (could even be you only just played them) and they still survive with a big excess of loyalty to protect themselves -- it is narrowed, in that he only combos with other planeswalkers.. but all 3 of his abilities combo with any planeswalker SO well, that I think it's a bit too strong




You've misinterpreted the last ability.  You would pay the 6 before the ultimate would resolve.  Thus, if Gideon began with 6 loyalty counters before activating the ability, the ultimate would only give 6 counters to another planeswalker, because the 6 which were spent to use the ultimate would not be on Gideon at the time the ability checks the amount of counters on him.



true
that was a stupid mistake on my part
sorry
but, that is still a huge boost of loyalty to another planeswalker -- search out a Nicol Bolas; play him; and get an ultimate that turn, and he survives it.. still intense
mfw only 9% of my card is graded ;_;



Mine wasn't even graded.
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I am Red/White
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly.
mfw only 9% of my card is graded ;_;



Mine wasn't even graded.



i don't consider either one a serious submission
but Mown's was a little more genuine
ConfusedAsUsual's just wasn't - it's a worse Ajani's Mantra
mfw only 9% of my card is graded ;_;



Mine wasn't even graded.



i don't consider either one a serious submission
but Mown's was a little more genuine
ConfusedAsUsual's just wasn't - it's a worse Ajani's Mantra



Hehe, it wasn't a serious entry like you said anyway although I did wanted to come up with one, I just didn't have the time to make a planeswalker and write a story for it too.
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I am Red/White
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly.
So who won?
So who won?




Bolas won -- he always wins


[spoiler]GM_Champion went all out with that story

design i think i liked Cisnero's best


so... one of them
In that case Cisnero should win unless the 1st 500 words of GM's story are sufficient to nb him the prize.
Red's kinda cowardly but otherwise fair points. 
My latest set is in public beta! KOR - Kingdoms of Rabiah - Check it out! Like Uncle Istvan? Like Rabiah? Like Homelands? Then check out theScion's Parade of Planeswalkers Got Flavor? Throw it at me in my Gauntlet: theScion vs YMTC thread. Can the combined powers of YMTC defeat our favorite rainbow-faced card crafter?
I vote Cisnero because obviously GM went all out on story to cover up the card design. (obviously didn't look at either design)
Red's kinda cowardly but otherwise fair points. 



Red's either cowardly or Leeroy Jenkins, so yeah.

I thought the was more because those are the colors most directly related to morality.
139359831 wrote:
Clever deduction Watson! Maybe you can explain why Supergirl is trying to kill me.
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