[Race] Proxan

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This is a long, involved project that I have finally gotten around to asking for serious assistance with.  The full scope of the project is to create PC stats for races from the video game Golden Sun.  This has been worked on before, but a lot has changed in 4E since then.  The total project, as I currently estimate it, is seven new races (out of a total ten in the game world) and four new themes.  What follows is step one.


Proxan

Ability Score: +2 Charisma, +2 Strength or Dexterity
Size: Medium
Speed: 6
Vision: Normal
Languages: Common, Draconic
Skill Bonuses: +2 Endurance, +2 Intimidate
 Bloodlust: You gain a +2 bonus to damage rolls against bloodied opponents.  This bonus increases to +3 at 11th level and +4 at 21st level.
Heart of Flame: You gain a +2 bonus to defenses, saves, and checks against powers and effects with the cold keyword.
 Djinn Strike: You have the Djinn Strike racial power.




Djinn Strike
You weaken your foe by sapping its ties to the elemental spirits.
Encounter
Free Action - Personal
Trigger: You hit an enemy with an attack
Effect: The enemy you hit suffers a -2 penalty to your choice of attack rolls or defenses until the end of your next turn.


 


The people of ancient Prox were punished by the gods for their power and arrogance in the use of Alchemy.  Their descendants now live in an ice blasted city verging on annihilation.  Though the old grandeur and power of Alchemy has faded from the world, proxans maintain the traditions of fire magic with the hope that one day they will force back their oncoming doom.


 


Play a proxan if you want...


* to be a violent warrior with a fiery temper.


* to be a rugged survivor from the arctic wastes.


* to be a member of a race that favors the barbarian, sorcerer, and assassin classes.


 


Physical Qualities


While roughly the same height and weight, proxans stand in stark contrast from humans due to their brilliant coloration.  Their skin tones are various pastel colors with occasional darker streaks, and their hair is typically a bold primary or secondary color.  They also have patches of scales spread across their bodies, most notably the shoulders.  It is this, as well as their affinity for fire that lead many to speculate that proxans are descended from dragons.


Proxan skin is warm to the touch, a byproduct of their enduring allegiance to the power of fire.  As a result, they can withstand the bitter cold of their homeland and even wear clothing other races would consider summer attire.


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Feats


 Proxan Reaper Training
Prerequisite: Proxan or Str 13+ and Dex 13+
  Benefit: You gain proficiency in the sickle and the scythe.  You treat the sickle as a +3 proficiency light blade with the brutal 1 and off-hand properties.  You treat the scythe as a +3 proficiency heavy blade and staff with the brutal 1 property.


Proxan Staff Reaper
Prerequisite: Proxan, proficiency with an implement
 Benefit: You gain proficiency in the scythe and the staff implement.  When you wield a scythe, it is also considered a staff implement.  While using a scythe as an implement, it has the Unstoppable and Empowered Crit properties.


Proxan Rod Reaper
Prerequisite: Proxan, proficiency with an implement
 Benefit: You gain proficiency in the sickle and the rod implement.  When you wield a sickle, it is also considered a rod implement.  While using a sickle as an implement, it has the Unerring and Deadly properties.


Rage and Terror
Prerequisite: Proxan, ardent, ardent outrage power
 Benefit: The targets of your ardent outrage power also suffer a -2 penalty to attacks against you until the beginning of your next turn.


Fury of the Mars Clan
Prerequisite: Proxan, avenger
 Benefit: When an Avenger power would deal radiant damage, you may choose to deal fire damage instead.  The power loses the radiant keyword and gains the fire keyword.


Wildfire Rage
Prerequisite: Proxan, barbarian
 Benefit: While raging, your weapon attacks deal an additional 2 fire damage.  Increase the extra fire damage to 3 at 11th level and 4 at 21st level


Light the Beacon
Prerequisite: Proxan, bard, Djinn Strike power
 Benefit: The target of your Djinn Strike power can not benefit from Concealment until the end of your next turn.  If the target has Total Concealment or is Invisible, it is instead treated as having Concealment.


Bitter Resentment
Prerequisite: Proxan, warlock, Warlock's Curse class feature
 Benefit: When you deal your warlock's curse extra damage with a fire or cold power, you roll d10s for the extra damage instead of d6s.


 


Paragon Tier


 Djinn Leech
Prerequisite: 11th level, Proxan
 Benefit: When you use your Djinn Strike power, you gain temporary hp equal to your one-half your level


 Prime the Fire
Prerequisite: 11th level, Proxan
 Benefit: When you use your Djinn Strike power, the target gains vulnerable 5 fire until the end of your next turn in addition to all other effects.


Epic Tier


Djinn Drain
Prerequisite: 21st level, Proxan
 Benefit: When you use your Djinn Strike power, the enemy gains both penalties.


Warrior's Scales
Prerequisite: 11th level, Proxan
 Benefit: You gain a +2 racial bonus to Endurance and Intimidate checks.  You gain resistance 2 to all damage.


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Mars Dragoon


"Bring it on, whelp! You won't live long enough to regret your stupidity!"


Prerequisites: Proxan


Consigned to slow destruction for the heresies of its ancestors, the Mars Clan nurses a grudge centuries old. That anger and power meet at a fire-tempered point in the Mars Dragoon.


Mars Dragoon Path Features


Light of Mars (11th Level): You gain resistance to cold equal to ½ your level. You gain a bonus to damage rolls equal to the number of damage dice.


Proxan Raging Action (11th Level): When you spend an action point, until the end of your next turn, enemies that hit you with melee attacks take fire damage equal to your highest ability modifier.


Flashpoint (16th Level): When you score a critical hit, the target and all enemies adjacent to it take additional fire damage equal to your highest ability modifier.


Mars Dragoon Psynergy


Djinn Blast Mars Dragoon Attack 11
Encounter Implement, Psynergy, Weapon
Standard ActionClose burst 10
Target: 1 enemy in burst
Attack: Your highest ability vs. Fortitude, Reflex, and Will
Hit: The target suffers a cumulative -1 penalty to attack rolls, defenses, and damage rolls for each defense hit (save ends all).
Special:Saving against this effect reduces the penalty by 1. The condition persists until the penalty is reduced to 0.


Fever Heat Mars Dragoon Utility 12
Daily Fire, Psynergy, Stance
Minor ActionPersonal
Effect: You enter the stance of the Fever Heat. While in this stance, you have concealment, and you gain a +2 bonus to your Will defense, saving throws, and speed. You can not be dominated and are instead dazed for the same duration.


Djinn Storm Mars Dragoon Attack 20
Daily Implement, Psynergy, Weapon
Standard ActionClose blast 4
Target: All creatures in blast
Attack: Your highest ability vs. Fortitude, Reflex, and Will
Hit: The target suffers a cumulative -1 penalty to attack rolls, defenses, and damage rolls for each defense hit (save ends all).
Special:Saving against this effect reduces the penalty by 1. The condition persists until the penalty is reduced to 0.


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Design concerns:


The name of the power Djinn Strike refers to a part of the game universe that I have not explained in this short race description.  I am worried that this will cause confusion, especially between Golden Sun djinn and 4E Monster Manual djinn.


Mechanically, I wonder whether Djinn Strike is appropriately powerful.  I know weakened is frowned upon, but I'm not sure how -1 attack and defense compares to weakened.


Per Fireclave's guide, Heart of Flame is a major ability and a minor ability put together.  +1 to defenses vs. cold is a big deal; +1 saves and checks- not so much.  I may have underdone it on the major ability as (again) I'm not sure how +1 defense measures up to resist 5 + 1/2 level.


 


Proxan Reaper Training and Proxan Reaper Mage: Proxans really like using scythes; I don't know why, but I figured I should include it.  I brought this up earlier on the board, and I took the advice to make the first feat available to other races.  The two of these together are very nice for paladins, swordmages, and anyone else with both weapon and implement powers.  I believe the biggest thing this does is give avengers, clerics, and paladins access to Staff of Ruin on top of a very nice two-handed weapon.


 


More racial feats added. 


 


Bitter Resentment: d10 is a significant upgrade over d6, but warlock powers that do fire damage are a bit hard to come by.  Granted, Hellish Rebuke is at-will, but it's also a Con primary attack.


 


If anyone wants to discuss the origins of these abilities in Golden Sun canon, I'm up for that.

The problem is that you're light on features.

That cold defense stuff is very narrow, and rather weak, consider replacing it with Resistance to fire and cold 5 + 1/2 level. The deva also run light on features, but they get two energy resistances to make up for it.

 
Bloodlust: You gain a +2 bonus to damage rolls against bloodied opponents.  This bonus increases to +4 at 21st level.

You could probably get away with adding an intermediate stap of +3 at 11th level if you wanted.

Heart of Flame: You gain a +1 bonus to defenses, saves, and checks against powers and effects with the cold keyword.

Interesting. I would have just gone with the much simpler "resist cold 5 + 1/2 level". There nothing necessarily wrong with that you have, though, other than that I think that you could probably get away with bumping up the bonus to at least +2. I have a knee-jerk reaction to a bonus any higher than that, but it may not be totally unwarranted.

Djinn Strike
You weaken your foe by sapping its ties to the elemental spirits.

Encounter
Free Action - Personal

Trigger: You hit with an attack
Effect: One target of that attack suffers a -1 penalty to attacks and defenses until the end of your next turn.

1) Does the affected creature need to have been hit by the attack or only targetted by it? Because with the way that this is currently worded it looks like I can target 2 creatures with an area attack and hit one of them with it but then apply this penalty to the other one. If this was not what was intended, I might suggest the following rewording:
Trigger: You hit an enemy with an attack.
Effect: That enemy takes a -1 penalty to attack rolls and defenses until the end of your next turn.

2) With the penalty only being -1, I'm concerned that the effects of this power won't actually come up very often. I would suggest making the penalty -2 but have it only apply to attack or defense. I think that you could probably even get away with allowing the character to select this each time that the power is used. For example:
Effect: That enemy takes a -2 penalty to your choice of either attack rolls or defenses until the end of your next turn.
The penalty to defenses will probably be the better option nine times out of ten because it'll come up a lot more often than the penalty to attack rolls provided that multiple allies plan on trying to take advantage of it, but I think that should be fine.

Mechanically, I wonder whether Djinn Strike is appropriately powerful.  I know weakened is frowned upon, but I'm not sure how -1 attack and defense compares to weakened.

I applaud your prudence. Yes, weakened would be a questionable condition to apply via a racial power, but at the same time, as I already mentioned, I think that a -1 penalty to attack rolls and defenses is probably on the weak side.

Per Fireclave's guide, Heart of Flame is a major ability and a minor ability put together.  +1 to defenses vs. cold is a big deal; +1 saves and checks- not so much.  I may have underdone it on the major ability as (again) I'm not sure how +1 defense measures up to resist 5 + 1/2 level.

Again, the prudence is admirable, but I don't think that a +1 bonus to defenses against one type of attack keyword measures up very well to simple energy resistance. It is, however, more original and unique than energy resistance, so you definitely deserve credit for that.

The problem is that you're light on features.

If by that you mean number of features, then I don't agree. Quality over quantity definitely applies to racial features. I don't think it's that it's light on features so much as that the one feature is on the weak side. Even if it were simple cold resist 5 + 1/2 level or equivalent in power, that would put it about where the Tiefling is, which is fine.

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Racial feats have been added.

Again, the prudence is admirable, but I don't think that a +1 bonus to defenses against one type of attack keyword measures up very well to simple energy resistance. It is, however, more original and unique than energy resistance, so you definitely deserve credit for that.



Thank you for your input.  I have broadly applied what you suggested. 

I am deliberately avoiding energy resistance because I intend to make them part of the themes I mentioned.  Everything in Golden Sun is strongly influenced by the four classical elements, and I am going to build the themes around them.
The race looks okay, couple of the feats seem a little strange.

The Reaper mage training feat, some how I just don't see those rods and staffs spontaneously growing blades when a reaper mage picks them up.

What if you just allowed Scythes to be used in place of the staff implement, and the sickle instead of rods, plus considering there's a feat that does the same thing for eladrin and longswords, maybe that needs to be two feats or a paragon feat.

I'm not sure about scales either, I know the Kreen get a conditional Resistance ability as a heroic feat, but I'm not sure if unconditional resist is appropriate for Paragon. 
The Reaper mage training feat, some how I just don't see those rods and staffs spontaneously growing blades when a reaper mage picks them up.

What if you just allowed Scythes to be used in place of the staff implement, and the sickle instead of rods, plus considering there's a feat that does the same thing for eladrin and longswords, maybe that needs to be two feats or a paragon feat.



Yes it does bother me too.  The reason I've done it this way is so that an implement user doesn't have to miss out on Superior Implement Training.  It's not exactly a penalty, but it is a big opportunity cost, and I still want the feat to be worth taking for a pure implement user.  Maybe I should make another feat that matches SIT to make up for using a nonstandard implement.

I'm not sure about scales either, I know the Kreen get a conditional Resistance ability as a heroic feat, but I'm not sure if unconditional resist is appropriate for Paragon. 



My first thought was +1 AC, but that's obviously too much.  I definately want it to be something related to being tough; perhaps bonus hp or an extra surge, but those are absorbing damage rather than preventing it. 
What if you split it into two feats?

The scyth/staff feat allows the use of Scythes as staff implements, and when you do so you can treat them as a superior implement with certain preset abilities. Like how the weapon training feat does it.

Then do a similar thing for sickle-rod.

As for the damage resist feat... what if you move it up to epic? 
What if you split it into two feats?

The scyth/staff feat allows the use of Scythes as staff implements, and when you do so you can treat them as a superior implement with certain preset abilities. Like how the weapon training feat does it.

Then do a similar thing for sickle-rod.



Oh, you want me to split between rod and staff.  That works for me.  Including superior implement effects as part of the feat makes things much simpler.  Thank you.

As for the damage resist feat... what if you move it up to epic? 



Done.  Skill bonus increased as well to make it more appropriate for epic.

I have come back to my old project.  I have now added a racial paragon path.
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