Being a “gamer girl” can be a surreal experience. For all the guys who don’t think women can hack it in the gaming world, there are thousands who ask Santa for more gamer girls every year. Thanks to the scarcity of gamer girls out there, we lucky ladies get just one stereotype to share between us—which means everyone has a great idea of exactly who you are before you even open your mouth. Part of the current stereotype is that we gamer girls fight with each other in order to compete for attention, status, and all those eligible gamer men.
An entertaining notion to be sure, and I can see why there is that perception. However, while I can’t speak for all gamer women, I really don’t think that sexual competition is at the root of the various rifts. I think it’s about image and branding, and what they do to the everyday life of your everyday gamer woman.
When Stereotypes Attack
There’s a great XKCD comic, where a man fails at a math problem, and they say, “Wow, you suck at math” and then a woman fails at the math problem, and they say, “Wow, girls suck at math.”
It’s funny because it’s so, so true. Not the woman sucking at math part—my mother is a mathematical genius, and current research supports that women are equally skilled in this area, thank you very much—but the stereotyping bit. I am fully aware that in some circumstances, I represent my whole gender, and it terrifies me. Making a mistake in general sucks; making a mistake your whole gender will henceforth be branded with? Priceless.
Whenever you are not part of the dominant party in a group—such as women in math, gamers in mainstream society, or women in gaming—then you represent your entire subgroup. In mainstream society, every time a gamer does something stupid, the whole group is branded with it. Remember Columbine? The number of adults who suddenly became concerned over the state of my soul—and my marksmanship—because of the atrocities other kids who played the same games did . . . It was infuriating. Presented with tragedy, I was grouped with the guilty parties, not the victims, in the eyes of greater society, simply because I enjoyed playing games. I suddenly had to defend myself. I can only imagine how much worse it must have been for those gamers who were also guys and wore trench coats.
There Can Be Only One
But in the eyes of greater society, there is room for only one dominant stereotype of “gamer geek.” And likewise, in gaming society, there is room for only one dominant stereotype of “gamer girl.” So, whenever a woman makes a splash in gaming, all gamer women are at least partially branded with her actions.
Understandably, this can make a woman a bit concerned about the way gamer girls are portrayed. Whenever a stereotype gets too prevalent that a particular woman doesn’t want to get branded with, she is being threatened, if indirectly. All of a sudden, this means that when she interacts with people, she has to deal with being branded with something that doesn’t fit her, that might insult her, that isn’t her fault, and that forces her to take corrective action.
Granted, it’s never so bad as “commits atrocities,” but the stereotypes can certainly be annoying. For instance, when the “Girls Can’t Game” stereotype was in, no matter how well I played, or how steep my geek cred, some guys would still get all paternal on me, sometimes even TOUCHING MY DICE to show me which dice to roll—a travesty punishable by far more than the snarl I favored the unfortunate with.
Once, I met this woman who, while perfectly fluent in gaming, would play dumb in order to flirt with guys. At first I was furious, because her conscious perpetuation of the stereotype that “Girls Can’t Game” directly affected the way the guys treated me. But when I thought about it, I couldn’t complain too loudly, because all she was doing was following her heart to achieve a goal—and succeeding at both. Who could blame her for that? Besides, her girly posture in game gave me permission to show my girly side. You see, while I don’t suffer geeks misconceptions about my mad skillz, I LOVE bright, sparkly dice. Not exactly combating the stereotypes about girl gamers myself there, either. But really? Loving sparkly dice is part of what makes me “me.” Why should I sacrifice that to better fit in the accepted gamer girl box? Why can’t I be badass and sparkly at the same time—and her, flirty and badass? Besides, I don’t have time to be embarrassed about my sparkly dice habit—I’m too busy having fun playing the game!
The First Rule of Gaming Is There Are No Rules
The good news is that while there are those who play by the stereotypes in every group, there are also those who see past them. Yes, it is totally annoying to have to deal with the gamersby who assume you’re buying your game for your boyfriend, or assume you want pink dice (or assume you don’t want pink dice for that matter!), but there is a bright side to all these competing stereotypes.
The more strong stereotypes that get out there, the more obvious it will become that we do not fit in a box. We women who game come in many varieties—from those whose first words were “thac0” and “crit” to the “ladies of a certain age” who stumbled into D&D through their grandchildren and now host D&D and tea parties. And then, some bright day in the future, we’ll just be Susan, or Erin, or Nina, or Pip Puddlejump Impirae Pioneer Playful Prankster Panishee, Faerie Guide Emeritus. Or, you know. Whatever.
